Thankful...

Ahhh, Thanksgiving morning.  The dogs let me sleep in a little, it's peaceful, quiet, almost sunny, and lovely.  I whipped up toaster waffles and some "Betcha-Can't-Believe-it's-not-Bacon" for breakfast while streaming a little of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade from Times Square (with no chance of any silly-sappy commentary from Jim Nantz) and sat down with my cup of coffee.  (This is almost the definition of a perfect morning according to my version of Webster.)

Thanksgiving is one of my favorites.  Having a whole day to just be thankful is a real gift.  And the food isn't bad either!  One of my favorite Thanksgiving celebrations was being able to make a dinner for friends one year.  Three turkeys, 11 side dishes, 4 or 5 pies, and 12 pounds of mashed potatoes later it was a terrific day with lots of laughter in the company of some 30-40 terrific people.  Which is the whole point really.  Spend a little time with the people you care about, that's where the magic is.  And be Thankful!  And while Thanksgiving these days seems to require not much more than a pie from my kitchen, it still gives me the opportunity to reflect on how blessed I am.

True to form, I started thinking about what I was thankful for last night while in pie-making-mode for 3 hours.  I'll share with you the short list:  Thankful for the ability to get what I need to make a pie.  Thankful I have a job and people I work with that I enjoy most days.  Thankful that I'm on day 1 of a 4 day weekend with no chance of snow in the forecast.  Thankful that I like to make pie in the first place.  Thankful that I have a kitchen with enough room to contain that kind of mess.  Thankful for the patience and strength it takes to wrestle 2 cups of flour and 2 sticks of butter into a pie crust.  Thankful for the laugh provided by Jake stealing apple peel with the tenacity only found in the certainty that this is some kind of most-amazing and special treat.  Thankful that my dogs beg for fruits and vegetables and leave my "Betcha-Can't-Believe-it's-not-Bacon" alone.  Thankful that when I wake up in the morning I have 4 little eyes and 8 furry legs that are just overjoyed that I'm awake!  Thankful for the friends and family to share a pie with.  Thankful that my brother-in-law likes pie more than anything I could possibly ever purchase at The Sharper Image.  Thankful that when God handed out families I got a two-for-one deal with best friends too.  Thankful for girlfriends to laugh with and cry with and talk with and sit with.  Thankful for new friends and old friends.  Thankful for the joy in each of their lives.  Thankful for the chance to be a friend to each of them.  Thankful that my family is healthy.  Thankful that my friends are healthy.  Thankful that I'm healthy.  Thankful, Thankful, Thankful.  And oh so very Thankful  for you.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!

May Your Day be Overflowing With Blessings (and Pie)!

Cleaning out the Storage Unit

This is a little "deeper" than I usually dive and if you're not willing to don the scuba I'll understand.

November seems to be a tough month.  The days are shorter, it's dark now before I get home.  It rains more.  It's always feels to me like it's the darkest month of the year.  And it seems so fitting that this November I found myself facing all the crap I'd shoved into a storage unit that I really wanted to forget about and ignore for a while... quite frankly ignore forever thank you very much.

Mind you this is not just your average storage unit, it's the one that we all have a key to where we shove the junk that hurts.  The stuff the bully said on the playground when we were kids, the crappy review from our first employer that we took too personally, the little bits of hurt and pain that we collect over a lifetime.  And every so often we find that we've shoved so much in we can't get the door shut anymore.  (Or every so often some well meaning soul opens the door looking for an extra blanket for the guest room.)

Then we find ourselves taking stock of what we're holding on to and determine if we should pack it away or just let it go.

Well, my time to purge showed up in November.  It started coming on as a general funk, I've been on edge for weeks (grumpy, a little overly sensitive and overly judgmental, generally uncomfortable and more reserved than usual), and showed up with tri colored post-it notes labeled "KEEP, STORE, and TOSS" after hearing a message on relationships that hit so close to home that had it been a grenade I'd be living in a refrigerator box under a bridge tonight.

I then proceeded to purchase a book that came highly recommended by a good friend.  I read it and came to the following:

"...pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly.  And if it's left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place."

And in that moment it all came rushing back.  All the "you are so stupid, you'll never learn", the "you're ruining my life", "you deserve to be alone", all the way to "this is all your fault" with all the horrible cuts and the horrible fear and the horrible guilt that came along for the ride.  I sat there and heard them all ring through my mind, watched my hands fall into my lap, and I wept.  And I knew in that moment that it was time.

For so long I'd held on to my last little bit of well-packed and sorted emotional collateral damage.  (Sure I had a little baggage left but it was at least a matching set and ridiculously durable.)  I'd stuffed it somewhere -behind several bridesmaid dresses and a pair of "skinny" jeans- in the back of a closet.  With a lock.  And a brick wall.  I'd held onto the belief that all the junk was true.  Held onto the belief that it was my fault.  Held onto the pain. 

There is a part of me that knows a little something about dealing with grief and managing pain.  And I believe that we cope with this in stages.  We are given what we can manage at the time we are able to handle it.  Over the last decade I've dealt with and managed more than I thought I could.  And now the worst bit that had been in the deepest place was being called up.  It was time.

In that moment, those words were the shock to my system I needed.  Over the next 48 hours I realized that over the last several weeks this moment had been orchestrated.  From the month to the book to the message that opened the door.  I made the conscious decision to lay it down and let it go.

What happened was nothing short of a crazy miracle.  As soon as I'd said it, the whole mess was gone, the hurt was gone, and I couldn't for the life of me manage to bring it back.  It's not that the memories are gone, but the shadows that came with the memories are gone.

The point in laying all of this out there is this:  I know there are a lot of people out there with the same storage unit that's a little overly-full at the moment.  The point is not to hold onto it and hide it have it be one more thing you move from place to place as you go through life.  Let yourself be open.  Be ready.  When it's time to lay it down and let it go, jump at the chance.

 And remember that you too were created to fly.

Great Surprises

So, my dad has finally retired.  And in an effort to avoid going completely stir-crazy in the first 10 days, my mother and he planned a trip to come and visit the sunny  south (or more specifically their offspring who live here).  The dates were finalized about 5 days prior to leaving when my brother was getting over his little visit from the H1N1 fairy and I was really looking forward to a quick visit with my parents starting Friday at about 4:30.

Naturally we talked a lot in the week leading up to their visit.  Updates on time-lines, where they're staying, how to get around the rockslide that closed the highway on the way to Tennessee.  Etc.  I even got an update from every state they passed through on the way down here, the flora and fauna from that region, approximate temperature and price of gasoline.  (Needless to say we all think that free mobile-to-mobile is a lifesaver.)

At any rate, after a Friday that felt like a Monday I was really looking forward to a little quality time with my parents.  Staying up late telling stories and enjoying quality Canadian beverages.  And, naturally,  thinking about how great it would be if everyone could be here and reminding myself that it's less than 6 weeks until Christmas (*insert collective gasp here*). 

So I get home a few minutes ahead of their arrival and went out with the dogs.  As I was walking back to the driveway, their car was there.  And as I came around the corner I heard the unmistakable shriek of "KIKI!!!!!" that only comes out of a very specific 4-year old little boy.

Apparently the look of shock was pretty priceless when Charlie launched himself at me like a Labrador.  I was about as speechless as I've ever managed to be (which clearly is a rarity).  Finding out that the whole family was in on it was just the best.  Even Charlie.  Having him inform me that every time "Grammy called I was verwy verwy qwuiet so you would be suprwised Kiki!"  was so fun!

Well anyone who knows me can tell you that I absolutely LOVE a good surprise.  I love surprises like a little kid loves a parade on their Birthday.  Even more than being the recipient of a good surprise I love creating good surprises.  The anticipation turns me into an instant 8-year old complete with the big grin and an infectious case of the giggles.  So for my family to work up getting Charlie to spend waaaaaaaaaay too many hours in a car, listen to him ask "are we there yet" for 14 hours, watch the Scooby-Doo DVD 12 times in a row, and dig raisins out of the back-seat for the next 3 months just to come and surprise me is really REALLY outstanding.

I got 24 hours with my parents and 24 hours of "Kiki, let's play catch.  Kiki, can I sleep next to your bed?  Kiki, I want to sit next to you.  Kiki, I want to ride in your car.  Kiki, let's race down the slide.  Kiki, let's run the bases.  Kiki, these fishsticks are reawlly reawlly good!"

And, the kid taught Jake (my no-patience-extra-determination-with-a-side-of-totally-lacking-self-control) to play fetch.  Talk about surprises!


Well, that's the news from here.  Off to plan the next great one :)

A Whole Lotta Happy - The State Fair Edition

The North Carolina State Fair is to North Carolina what Summer is to Michigan.  Lasts about 10 days with enough junk food to last 10 years, and hundreds of thousands of people who haven't seen the sun in months.

Mind you, my point of reference when it comes to fairs is generally what shows up in a strip mall parking lot on a random summer weekend.  Nothing my mother would ever let me go to no matter how much I begged.  By comparison, the North Carolina State Fair had perpetual sunshine and you could hear angels singing.  It was incredible!

It was suggested that a group of us go on a Digital Scavenger Hunt through the fair.  Look for mullets and poultry, that sort of thing (but not mullets with poultry or poultry with mullets).  So we started at 8 on a Saturday night and in about 90 minutes I witnessed the following:

I saw my first pig race.  Sponsored by Harley-Davidson.  With pigs named for NASCAR drivers.  Although technically I think they were piglets, they looked a little small compared to the huge blue-ribbon winning trash-eaters in the livestock arena.

I have it on very good account that the world's smallest horse is slightly bigger than a border collie, but smaller than a mastiff.  This is first-hand from a very observant 7-year old.  The world's largest snake had it's own tent.  (Which I did not go into.  I crossed on the other side of the street.  I don't do snakes. And we were looking for the world's largest alligator anyway)  As a side-note, thankfully these two exhibits were nowhere near each other.

The food hit all the finer points of "The Joy of Cooking - Redneck Edition":  Chocolate Covered Bacon (Pig Lickens), Cotton Candy, Hushpuppies, Deep Fried PB&J, Deep Fried Oreo's, Deep Fried Mac-n-Cheese, Deep Fried Banana Splits, Deep Fried Pickles, and my personal favorite - Deep Fried Pecan Pie (on a stick), Corn Dogs, Hot Dogs, Hot Fish, Elephant Ears, Pop Corn, Carmel Corn, Kettle Corn, and Roasted Corn on the Cob, Turkey Legs (had to weigh at least 4 pounds apiece), Steak Fries, Steak Bites, and Steak Sandwiches, Sno Kones, and, of course, fresh salad.  With a good breeze you can smell the fair all the way in Harnett County.

The State Fair gaming industry was also impressive.  You can play Bingo, Pin the tail on the donkey, Pin the tail on your grandma, Ring toss, Ping Pong ball toss, kid toss, and lunch toss (after the chocolate covered bacon eating).  People will guess your weight, birthday, name, favorite color and even your quest.  And the prizes for these mind-bending challenges?  Stuffed animals of every size, color, species, and genre.  I got hit in the head by a blow-up baseball bat and hit in the knees by a Star Wars Light Sabre (filled with glitter).  You can also win a set of screwdrivers (all the same size) with glow in the dark handles, a hula skirt, a confederate flag blanket for the bench seat of your pickup, an inflatable spiderman, or a basketball that is 36" in diameter. 

And the rides!  Oh, the rides.  The kind that roll in on the back of a 37 year old pick-up truck, assembled by a chain smoker in 45 minutes and operated by someone who hasn't slept in about 3 days.  There are ferris wheels (multiple), the same Himalayan and Twister that I rode as a kid, rides that will spin you around whip you upside down and make you wish you had skipped the deep fried ho-ho's (that soon become re-fried uh-oh's).

There was every animal you could ever hope to find on a farm.  Rabbits, chickens, geese, horses, cows, pigs, baby turkeys, ducklings, goats, goats, and more goats, sheep, llamas, baby donkeys, and a couple of camels.  Yeah, I know, camels.

And a demolition derby, magic show, tractor pull, RV parking, bike show, clowns, and MAGICAL POODLES!

So take that parking-lot-strip-mall carnival!  (And don't worry mom, I stayed off the rides & away from strangers!)

(Deep Fried Pie on a Stick - yum)

My Happiness Project

We hold these TRUTHS to be self evident, 

that ALL men are CREATED EQUAL, 

that they are ENDOWED BY THEIR CREATOR with certain unalienable RIGHTS, 

that among these are LIFE, LIBERTY, and 

the pursuit of HAPPINESS.

Happiness. Or more specifically the pursuit of it.  What is that all about anyway?  How does one "find" happiness?  I tried google-ing happiness there were only 74,400,000 results or so.  Needless to say, I didn't find it although I came up with a myriad of internet based stuff.  Wikipedia defines Happiness as:  a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.  One website was promoting it's $20 book on 9 steps to maximizing happiness.  There are Happiness Projects, Keys to Happiness, and movie reviews on Happiness.

Aristotle said "Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient".  Mark Twain noted that "Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination".  Johnny Carson joked that "Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."   

Personally I think Lincoln had it just about correct:  "People are as happy as they make up their minds to be"

Like so many, I've often wondered about this pursuit of happiness over the years.  Wondered if I would ever, in fact, be happy.  Just wake up that way.  Wow!  The sun would be shining, birds would be singing, Publishers Clearing House would be at my door, the laundry would have folded itself during the night, the dogs would have made coffee, and life would just be, well, great!  And while pondering this I realized that over several years I could probably count on one hand the number of times I just "woke up happy" (sans Publishers Clearing House and hound-made coffee).  And I began to ask myself if all of this pursuing happiness or waiting for it to find me was really the "trick". 

At any rate, here I am, older (& wiser?), and now wondering if happiness is not something to be pursued.  It's something you decide to just... BE.  Maybe the point of happiness is not to keep chasing after it, but to start creating it.  Choosing it instead of waiting for it to choose you.  Making the decision to just be happy. 

I'm certainly tired of being tired.  I'm frustrated with being frustrated.  I'm not impressed at my reaction to little inconveniences throughout my day.  I've had it with my tendency to be judgmental and unkind.  In short, I'm just plain over the "miserable moments" that seem to creep into my day.

I wonder, what would it be like to simply take a moment and pick happiness?  Smile instead of grumble.  Look for little things that bring you joy.  Notice all the goodness around you and bask in it.  Just for a minute or two.

And to that point, my personal goal for the next 30 days is to do just that.  And not just to be happy.  To be contagiously, thoroughly, effervescently happy.  If my life is a glass of water, happiness will be the alka-seltzer that even affects the air around it.  To be so darn happy that people look at me funny.  Kind of like reverse-people-watching. 

 I can't wait... :)

The Dentist and the State Fair

I'm not quite sure what it is about the dentist, but the older I get, the more I dread it.  Now I seem to spend my hour in the chair completely tense, holding as still as possible, trying to ignore the scraping and praying I don't get jabbed in the mouth.  And occasionally getting splashed with water in the eye from the little rinsing water thingy.  Which of course makes you jump.  And get jabbed in the mouth.  The whole experience is pure joy I tell you.

And why is it that your well-meaning hygienist asks you questions while she has at least one (of not both) hands in your mouth?  Is there some kind of office pool regarding how many times a patient can manage an unintelligible answer to an inappropriately timed question?  I wonder if the well-meaning hygienists of the world can claim this as being able to understand a second language... Hmmm.

As I was sitting in the chair last week trying to mumble unintelligible answers to the inappropriately timed questions while tensing every muscle in my body to avoid the jabbing, my well-meaning hygienist was asking about how long I've been in NC (almost a year), what I do for fun here (people watch), what I do for work (read spreadsheets that are at least 1800 lines long), and whether I'm planning to go to the North Carolina State Fair. 

It seems to be that The State Fair is the biggest event to hit Raleigh every year.  I had people ask me over the winter if I had moved here in time to go to The Fair.  And they were generally sympathetic when I informed them that no, unfortunately I'd missed The Fair.

Now, where I come from, the fair is in town for a weekend, maybe a week.  There are lots of animals, lots of manure, fried stuff with cheese, long lines for rides that make you throw up and long lines for the glorious portable "facilities".  Guys in unfortunate-fitting pants and big hats, beer served in a milk jug, "corn-dogs" for dinner, and tobacco spit everywhere.  Throw in a rodeo and a country music concert, and you've got yourself a genuine, authentic, honest-to-goodness, legitimate, bona-fide fair.  Or so I thought.

The North Carolina State Fair is allegedly going to make every other fair I've ever been to look like a parking lot carnival at a strip-mall in the burbs.  Tickets for this auspicious event are sold in advance, there are more concerts at The Fair this year than at The Lincoln, and the darn thing lasts for 10 days (11 if you count the day before when just the food vendors open up).  Local businesses give tickets away as incentives, are likely to give employees a day off to go to this mighty festive event, and partake in endless talk around the water cooler of the fried whatnots that were supremely delicious last year.

Now, when I think of fried fair foods, elephant ears come to mind.  I think I tried some fried broccoli once.  Oh, what a sheltered life I have lived.

Seeing what can be fried has become "big-business" by fair standards.  I wondered aloud to myself just recently how, in fact, some vendor in Texas who had mastered "fried butter" made that into a nightly news story.  Butter aside, you can now find Fried Oreo's, Fried Coca-Cola, Fried Pie, Fried Vegetables, Fried stuff with Cheese, Fried stuff with Beer, Fried Fries, and (of course) every Fried Meat you can imagine.

So, imagine the shock when my dental hygienist stopped the scraping to sit up and tell me that I MUST go to The Fair this year. And to "try the Deep Fried Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, they're amazing".  I was genuinely stunned as I've never had anyone within 4 blocks of a dentist's office recommend junk food so enthusiastically.

The North Carolina State Fair kicks off next weekend.  And you can bet your sweet... uh... tooth that I'll go to sample the deep fried junk food. Stay tuned for wild tales of excessive people watching!

And don't worry mom, the dentist says I have beautiful teeth... and no cavities :)

New Meanings for Old Sayings

Personally I find it pretty funny these days when people share these little "pearls" of wisdom with you. As if somehow a teeny little sentence has the power to fix whatever conundrum you find yourself in the middle of. In theory, almost all of these are valuable tidbits of advice. I just find it entertaining to have a little fun at their expense...


"What goes around comes around."

The only thing this really applies to is the solar system. And Merry-Go-Rounds. And traffic circles in London.
The Old Meaning: If you show kindness to others it will be returned to you.
The New Meaning: If you show kindness to others it will be returned to you if in fact you're riding a Merry-Go-Round at the same time. Showing kindness and compassion to your fellow man does not mean that, in fact, your mortgage company will show it to you, although this could be because they are not, in fact, human...

"Fight fire with fire"

Usually even the fire department uses water. And they're usually pretty good at their job. Just a thought. (The exception to this appears to be wildfires in California... I hear they are fighting fire with fire there... I'll be working on a revision to this)


"Don't count your chickens before they've hatched"

What? Since when are we counting chickens? I don't know anyone who even has chickens anymore.
I propose an edit: "Don't count your millions before you've scratched".


"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"

Having never personally known anyone who ever lived in a glass house, I'm a little confused by this. The only glass "houses" I've ever come across are now on the historic register and no one lives in them.


"Many hands make light work"

Here's another misconception. Many hands make for an overcrowded kitchen, a case of claustrophobia, and invite an anger management issue. After all "too many cooks spoil the soup". This is a whole other story... if you have any fondness for soup anyway.

"Where there's a will there's a way"

Really? Where?

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink"

To this I will say, clearly you've not spent much time around a horse. Getting him to quit drinking, get in a cab, and go home is the real trick.


"Rome wasn't built in a day"

Yes, but with a population of around 35,000 it could have been if they would have laid off the BBQ & beer all afternoon...

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Interesting theory, but with the introduction of modern technology, absence has gone the way of the abacus. Text messages and IM have reduced "absence" to mere minutes... And if you can't live without someone for 20 minutes, you need to watch "Fatal Attraction" again.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

If this was true I'd be bench pressing a city bus. Which would be unsettling on multiple levels yet probably do a lot for my career in the circus. The proposed revision: "What doesn't kill me had better run pretty damn fast."


"God helps those who help themselves"

Total crap. Clearly invented by a retired Sunday School teacher of Junior High kids.


"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth"

Again, having spent a little time around horses, I would not recommend looking any horse in the mouth. They tend to not keep appointments with their dental hygienist.

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again"

You bet! Unless it's skydiving... or trying to navigate a traffic circle in London.


"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"

Hmmm, since I'm not a huge fan of the bird flu, I'd just as soon not be encouraging one to crap in my hand. I don't think even Purell could save you...


"Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free"

I've got 3 words for you: Mad Cow Disease. You may just want to avoid livestock altogether.

FAQ - Please Read

Q:  Kate, how many times have you moved?
A:  I have moved 20 times in 14 years. 

Q:  Why so many times?
A:  It's a chronic gypsy gene that is passed through my family every 4-5 generations.  What can I say, I got lucky?  As a side note I am looking to create the "Frequent Movers Support Group"

Q:  Kate, doesn't moving pretty much suck?
A:  Not when you're this good at it!

Q:  What is the deal with commuting?
A:  I like to observe the varying amounts of road rage demonstrated by fellow commuters.  If I lived closer to where I worked I'd be robbed of that joy.

Q:  Please explain the "bugs"
A:  Bugs are to me what Kryptonite is to Superman.  Yeah.  That bad.  I've never seen a spider like the ones in the south.  I didn't even know what a cockroach looked like until I moved here.  And I live in the suburbs for crying out loud!

Q:  What are you passionate about?
A:  Moving, Commuting, and Bug Eradication

Q:  Is there anything you fear more than spiders?
A:  Zombies

And We're Back...

So after a wicked time delay, we're bringing back the assorted commentary that surrounds my (by most accounts entertaining) life. Not to be confused with "bringing sexy back", definitely not the same goal here...

Please be advised that hanging out here may expose you to views that you don't agree with, that your mother wouldn't agree with, that your constituents wouldn't agree with, and that most of your friends with a pulse will find humorous. In return for your patronization of this effort I promise not to rant about the NFL, the NHL, the NBA, the MBA, my job, your job, my mother, your mother, politics, the weather, the price of gas, "celebrities", religion, or my unbridled loathing of Goldman Sachs.

My goal is to show you that life is funny. Just pay attention.

Thanks! Have a laugh :)