It is known that in my present position I find myself traveling a decent bit. And while traveling I am often at the mercy of Budget Rental for getting me from the airport to my destination over a matter of days. And most times the good people of Budget do rather well and I have a car that I fit in, my luggage fits in, and still fits in a parking spot. On my most recent work-related excursion with the help of the rental car desk I had the distinct honor (insert sarcasm here) of spending 3 days with a 2010 Kia Optima LX. It was black. And shiny.
Mind you I drive a 2000 Jeep Cherokee. With 250,000 miles. She is flirting with "Catastrophic Brake Failure" (or so I'm told) and on occasion she is a cranky old broad. The Jeep and I have been together for nearly 8 years and it shows. I know what every sigh, wheeze, and "I'm fine" really means and I have a tab with my mechanic (who is also "on-call" 24/7)
That being said, it's nice once in a while to drive something newer, faster, shiny-er and less dog hairy-er.
So in a sea of grey 4-door mid-size sedans that appear to be government fleet leftovers, I'm assigned this lovely looking full-size sedan with satellite radio, brand new brakes, and more trunk space than a full-size pickup truck.
Unfortunately this was the end of it's good qualities. With 175 horsepower and an inline FOUR (yes, four. You can count the cylinders on one hand!) it accelerates best in a downhill application. You get 0-60 in about 2 minutes or so (no risk of spilling your beverage). However as soon as you reach your first 0.04% grade the beast down-shifts, howls, protests, flips you the bird and crests the top (26 feet later) 10 mph slower than where you started at the bottom. Let me tell you what, the Appalachian mountain foothills were a riot! I think we got passed by a kid on a scooter, my great aunt in her walker and a pack mule.
Another lovely thing we noticed anytime we managed to break 55 mph was the decided lack of insulation. Not only was she slow, but Sweet Grandmothers Spatula she was loud! We were able to identify the aggregate content of every type of pavement we encountered. When we did encounter a tad bit of gravel it sounded as though we were off-road. And not "park-on-the-grass-while-tailgating-at-a-home-game-off-road" but "racing-though-the-desert-past-lizards-rally-race-style-off-road".
While the interior was nicely appointed, the ventilation system lacked what those of us with any common sense would deem "good design". On a warm day your best shot for some cool air was to drive at night with your head out the window as the vents on the drivers side were blocked by the steering wheel no matter what you did to adjust the wheel, the seat, the vents, or your head. We contemplated just removing the steering wheel altogether (since the stereo controls were also so touchy every time you turned left you tuned in a live session of congress) we ultimately decided we might have better luck getting home with the darn thing attached.
We also came to the conclusion that this car was not designed for road trips. Unless you spend your days sitting on aluminum bleachers. After 90 minutes of sitting we were numb from the waist down. This could be a low cost alternative to an epidural for any woman in labor, just ride around for a couple of hours and you won't feel a thing!
On the up-side, it had great brakes. Compared to a 2000 Jeep with 250,000 miles on it on the verge of "Catastrophic Brake Failure" (or so I'm told).
Overall, the radiator did not explode, the tires did not blow out, and no one stole it. C-
(Pretty sure the background is moving... this car doesn't go this fast)
