I'm not quite sure what it is about the dentist, but the older I get, the more I dread it. Now I seem to spend my hour in the chair completely tense, holding as still as possible, trying to ignore the scraping and praying I don't get jabbed in the mouth. And occasionally getting splashed with water in the eye from the little rinsing water thingy. Which of course makes you jump. And get jabbed in the mouth. The whole experience is pure joy I tell you.
And why is it that your well-meaning hygienist asks you questions while she has at least one (of not both) hands in your mouth? Is there some kind of office pool regarding how many times a patient can manage an unintelligible answer to an inappropriately timed question? I wonder if the well-meaning hygienists of the world can claim this as being able to understand a second language... Hmmm.
As I was sitting in the chair last week trying to mumble unintelligible answers to the inappropriately timed questions while tensing every muscle in my body to avoid the jabbing, my well-meaning hygienist was asking about how long I've been in NC (almost a year), what I do for fun here (people watch), what I do for work (read spreadsheets that are at least 1800 lines long), and whether I'm planning to go to the North Carolina State Fair.
It seems to be that The State Fair is the biggest event to hit Raleigh every year. I had people ask me over the winter if I had moved here in time to go to The Fair. And they were generally sympathetic when I informed them that no, unfortunately I'd missed The Fair.
Now, where I come from, the fair is in town for a weekend, maybe a week. There are lots of animals, lots of manure, fried stuff with cheese, long lines for rides that make you throw up and long lines for the glorious portable "facilities". Guys in unfortunate-fitting pants and big hats, beer served in a milk jug, "corn-dogs" for dinner, and tobacco spit everywhere. Throw in a rodeo and a country music concert, and you've got yourself a genuine, authentic, honest-to-goodness, legitimate, bona-fide fair. Or so I thought.
The North Carolina State Fair is allegedly going to make every other fair I've ever been to look like a parking lot carnival at a strip-mall in the burbs. Tickets for this auspicious event are sold in advance, there are more concerts at The Fair this year than at The Lincoln, and the darn thing lasts for 10 days (11 if you count the day before when just the food vendors open up). Local businesses give tickets away as incentives, are likely to give employees a day off to go to this mighty festive event, and partake in endless talk around the water cooler of the fried whatnots that were supremely delicious last year.
Now, when I think of fried fair foods, elephant ears come to mind. I think I tried some fried broccoli once. Oh, what a sheltered life I have lived.
Seeing what can be fried has become "big-business" by fair standards. I wondered aloud to myself just recently how, in fact, some vendor in Texas who had mastered "fried butter" made that into a nightly news story. Butter aside, you can now find Fried Oreo's, Fried Coca-Cola, Fried Pie, Fried Vegetables, Fried stuff with Cheese, Fried stuff with Beer, Fried Fries, and (of course) every Fried Meat you can imagine.
So, imagine the shock when my dental hygienist stopped the scraping to sit up and tell me that I MUST go to The Fair this year. And to "try the Deep Fried Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, they're amazing". I was genuinely stunned as I've never had anyone within 4 blocks of a dentist's office recommend junk food so enthusiastically.
The North Carolina State Fair kicks off next weekend. And you can bet your sweet... uh... tooth that I'll go to sample the deep fried junk food. Stay tuned for wild tales of excessive people watching!
And don't worry mom, the dentist says I have beautiful teeth... and no cavities :)
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